No... its not about C. God forbid... Just couldn't think of a title so went ahead & wrote the first thing that came to my mind. But it has been awhile since I posted, and someone was telling me that its becoming stale now. My apologies. Read a very thought provoking blog that mirrors more or less what my state of mind tends towards occasionally. Have added a link on my blog too in case anyone's interested.
The posts dried up because of two reasons. One, (which is the boring, prosaic one) was that moving to a new place takes up a lot of time & effort. Am talking just plain logistics here. Not talking about taking time to adjust etc etc... Just the sheer effort in organising (trying to, that is) all your junk all over again is just too herculean a task for me. Besides new office, email id configure karao, again the whole jamboree starts. Blessed as I am with a name that is so easily misspelt, as was expected the new company people got it wrong. Run around some more. New bank account, the whole 9 yards. Basically very tedious & mind numbing. And an extremly boring read to boot. So no more about that :-) I can hear the sighs of relief.
The second reason is a bit more abstract, though I can't guarantee that its any less dull. Had jotted down quite a bit in the middle but never got down to posting it. As I'd said when I post its true, may not be so later on. Those posts have now gone past their sell-by date. Not much use posting stale stuff.
The post from another blog I've referred to earlier is basically from a guy who is contemplating whether the race is worth running any more. When all you get is pain, dejection & disappointment. The basic line of thought is, "What's the use..." or atleast that is what my interpretation is. Could be wrong, could be right. I know what he's talking about. Why should you fight the good fight. Nice guys dont finish last. They just dont finish... You get my drift.
I don't know. Not anymore. Was pretty cocksure and convinced that its how you play the game that matters, not whether you win or lose. Not so sure now. Have been forced to think, contemplate about whether the view that I had was warped, myopic & juvenile. That things dont work that way anymore... or maybe they never had. Maybe it was just a delusion, it could just be my naivete. Could be that the rose tinted glasses that I had over my eyes have suddenly been whipped off. I guess I'll give the metaphors a little rest now. I've noticed a tendency to go overboard at times :-)
I think the best line of the blog I've just read goes something like this, "The unforgiving eyes of emptiness are staring back at me." Not a direct quote, even plagiarism has its limits. Anyway, my point is that when you've held a belief for so long that you've forgotten what it was like without it, if that belief is taken away or shattered, the feeling of the unknown is what is terrifying. I think thats why mathematicians go cuckoo after one of their theories goes bust... Imagine, slaving over a theory for 20 years at a stretch & one day some kid genius comes up & says "I dont think that sigma belongs there... infact your whole probability matrix collapses!!" (Thank you Numb3rs...) Wouldn't you feel like putting a gun to a head, yours, his or both... Again, I digress.... My point was that if you're forced to contemplate a road totally contrary to your beliefs, thoughts & actions uptil now, you'd be scared witless. Especially a road that is not as "nice" as the last one. I am in any case.
Maybe this is a good time to pick up "Who moved my cheese?" or "You can win!" or even better "How to win friends & influence people." :-& [shudders]
Let me just say that at this point, the jury is still out....
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
Dealing with... well, whatever comes your way.
How do you deal with it? By "it" I mean whenever things go wrong, through your fault, somebody else's fault, or just plain circumstance, destiny etc etc. Basically, there's something not right. Lets say the degree of not right varies from minor to the-end-of-the-world types. But you still have to deal with it. How do you do it?
Over the past few days I've realised that every single person deals with it differently. Some just curl up & wish that the world would disappear. Some scream, shout & just let it all out. Some block it out & wait for Time (yes, with a capital T) to do the healers job. Some turn inwards. Some turn to others (I think you know who that is :-) ) Some pretend it never happened at all. Some turn to... well, you know, the usual, alcohol, tobacco or worse. Is there any one way that is better than the others? Well, even as I wrote this line I knew that its a stupid question. Except maybe the last one which is definitely the worst of the whole lot. I think whatever works for the person is the best. As long as they come out fine, its ok.
If somebody reads this, they'll probably think that I am assuming that I'm the only guy who's ever been hurt, or ever felt that things aren't going my way. Thats why I've suddenly gone all philosophical & pseudo-deep. :-) Hmm, let see.... to think that my IQ would be somewhere between that of fungi & rock salt and genius I'm not, but its not that bad either. Its just something I thought about & felt like putting down.
Read a line from Rocky Balboa in this friday's newspaper. Its like the anti-thesis of a friend of mine's belief. He believes that "Life has the capability to break you and push you to your knees, you're just lucky if you havent experienced it...yet." (Sorry just had to copy-paste the whole thing :-) ) Rocky says, "Life has the capability to break you and push you to your knees, and keep you there. If you let it." Another one, "Its not about how hard you fall, but about how hard you get up." I know, its just a movie. That too, Sylvester Stallone. How can anyone possibly quote Stallone/Rocky??? Hehe. Just be thankful that I haven't started quoting Naruto yet!!!
Maybe, I'm still so optimistic because I haven't borne the brunt of life's fury. Maybe this was like a glancing blow, to remind me that life isn't perfect. All I can say is that if one day I'm unlucky enough to face it, I can only hope that I come out smiling. -> :-) or even
:->
Over the past few days I've realised that every single person deals with it differently. Some just curl up & wish that the world would disappear. Some scream, shout & just let it all out. Some block it out & wait for Time (yes, with a capital T) to do the healers job. Some turn inwards. Some turn to others (I think you know who that is :-) ) Some pretend it never happened at all. Some turn to... well, you know, the usual, alcohol, tobacco or worse. Is there any one way that is better than the others? Well, even as I wrote this line I knew that its a stupid question. Except maybe the last one which is definitely the worst of the whole lot. I think whatever works for the person is the best. As long as they come out fine, its ok.
If somebody reads this, they'll probably think that I am assuming that I'm the only guy who's ever been hurt, or ever felt that things aren't going my way. Thats why I've suddenly gone all philosophical & pseudo-deep. :-) Hmm, let see.... to think that my IQ would be somewhere between that of fungi & rock salt and genius I'm not, but its not that bad either. Its just something I thought about & felt like putting down.
Read a line from Rocky Balboa in this friday's newspaper. Its like the anti-thesis of a friend of mine's belief. He believes that "Life has the capability to break you and push you to your knees, you're just lucky if you havent experienced it...yet." (Sorry just had to copy-paste the whole thing :-) ) Rocky says, "Life has the capability to break you and push you to your knees, and keep you there. If you let it." Another one, "Its not about how hard you fall, but about how hard you get up." I know, its just a movie. That too, Sylvester Stallone. How can anyone possibly quote Stallone/Rocky??? Hehe. Just be thankful that I haven't started quoting Naruto yet!!!
Maybe, I'm still so optimistic because I haven't borne the brunt of life's fury. Maybe this was like a glancing blow, to remind me that life isn't perfect. All I can say is that if one day I'm unlucky enough to face it, I can only hope that I come out smiling. -> :-) or even
:->
Friday, February 9, 2007
A Beginning-About this blog, me & some random ramblings...
Well, we all have to begin somewhere. So here goes nothing...
I guess if you know me the content of this post & I'm assuming here quite a few posts to follow will surprise you. This is not the usual Masal stuff. No amusing (am I assuming too much?? :-) ) anecdotes, no light-hearted banter, nobody's the butt of any jokes here. Not even me :-O
But then I never meant to begin it that way. This blog has started at a time when I'm not quite myself. When I've felt the need to let out a part of me that has only been seen in glimpses, flashed by so quickly that you may have thought that it was a trick of the light, an anomaly, uncharacteristic. But make no mistake, that part has always existed. Only now, I've felt the need to let it out somewhere, or totally lose it altogether. And what better place than an anonymous blog on the great net. Where some years down the line this blog will just be a few bytes in some rack of hard disks somewhere. Forgotten, unnoticed. Or maybe I felt the need to let this side survive somewhere outside of me. To let it leave a mark somewhere, no matter how obscure.
About the title, you may ask why "My Bodhi Tree". Well, for one... "The Bodhi Tree" was already taken :-) You may think it is too pretentious, too ostentatious. That I harbour illusions of grandeur. But no... I do not presume to compare myself to Gautam Buddha. Nor do I say that this is where Sidharth will become Gautam, attain Nirvana, gain Enlightenment. But what I do say is that this is where I'll live & learn. Share my thoughts, the revelations that come to me as life moves on. They may be incorrect, you may not agree with them, my thoughts may not appease or satisfy or may even offend you. But then this blog isn't about you. It is about me. And if I may take a leaf out of the life of Gautam Buddha and become a better man in my own eyes through these thoughts, these revelations, gain enlightenment in my own small way, then is it not my bodhi tree??
The blog may confuse you at times, but then you have me to blame, because in all probability I'll be confused while writing it. The words are written as they come to me. I don't pause to think, to sweeten, to lighten the mood, or to simplify (atleast not yet...) I'm writing it as it is. Every word. Confusing it may be, but it will be true.
It is not a blog for the masses, not like greatbong or Sidin's blog, of which I'm a great fan & admire them for their wit & humour. It is an intensely personal blog, almost like a diary, and in all probability most of the readers will be people who can call me up and say "What crap is this??" or shower other such constructive criticism :-) But if out of every 10 or 100 or 1000 people who visit it, 1 goes away thinking, pondering & not just dismissing it out of hand, then maybe... maybe what I've thought and written isn't a waste.
Well, I've said what needed to be said. And will continue to do so.
So as I said in the beginning.... Here goes nothing.
I guess if you know me the content of this post & I'm assuming here quite a few posts to follow will surprise you. This is not the usual Masal stuff. No amusing (am I assuming too much?? :-) ) anecdotes, no light-hearted banter, nobody's the butt of any jokes here. Not even me :-O
But then I never meant to begin it that way. This blog has started at a time when I'm not quite myself. When I've felt the need to let out a part of me that has only been seen in glimpses, flashed by so quickly that you may have thought that it was a trick of the light, an anomaly, uncharacteristic. But make no mistake, that part has always existed. Only now, I've felt the need to let it out somewhere, or totally lose it altogether. And what better place than an anonymous blog on the great net. Where some years down the line this blog will just be a few bytes in some rack of hard disks somewhere. Forgotten, unnoticed. Or maybe I felt the need to let this side survive somewhere outside of me. To let it leave a mark somewhere, no matter how obscure.
About the title, you may ask why "My Bodhi Tree". Well, for one... "The Bodhi Tree" was already taken :-) You may think it is too pretentious, too ostentatious. That I harbour illusions of grandeur. But no... I do not presume to compare myself to Gautam Buddha. Nor do I say that this is where Sidharth will become Gautam, attain Nirvana, gain Enlightenment. But what I do say is that this is where I'll live & learn. Share my thoughts, the revelations that come to me as life moves on. They may be incorrect, you may not agree with them, my thoughts may not appease or satisfy or may even offend you. But then this blog isn't about you. It is about me. And if I may take a leaf out of the life of Gautam Buddha and become a better man in my own eyes through these thoughts, these revelations, gain enlightenment in my own small way, then is it not my bodhi tree??
The blog may confuse you at times, but then you have me to blame, because in all probability I'll be confused while writing it. The words are written as they come to me. I don't pause to think, to sweeten, to lighten the mood, or to simplify (atleast not yet...) I'm writing it as it is. Every word. Confusing it may be, but it will be true.
It is not a blog for the masses, not like greatbong or Sidin's blog, of which I'm a great fan & admire them for their wit & humour. It is an intensely personal blog, almost like a diary, and in all probability most of the readers will be people who can call me up and say "What crap is this??" or shower other such constructive criticism :-) But if out of every 10 or 100 or 1000 people who visit it, 1 goes away thinking, pondering & not just dismissing it out of hand, then maybe... maybe what I've thought and written isn't a waste.
Well, I've said what needed to be said. And will continue to do so.
So as I said in the beginning.... Here goes nothing.
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