Long time no C....

No... its not about C. God forbid... Just couldn't think of a title so went ahead & wrote the first thing that came to my mind. But it has been awhile since I posted, and someone was telling me that its becoming stale now. My apologies. Read a very thought provoking blog that mirrors more or less what my state of mind tends towards occasionally. Have added a link on my blog too in case anyone's interested.

The posts dried up because of two reasons. One, (which is the boring, prosaic one) was that moving to a new place takes up a lot of time & effort. Am talking just plain logistics here. Not talking about taking time to adjust etc etc... Just the sheer effort in organising (trying to, that is) all your junk all over again is just too herculean a task for me. Besides new office, email id configure karao, again the whole jamboree starts. Blessed as I am with a name that is so easily misspelt, as was expected the new company people got it wrong. Run around some more. New bank account, the whole 9 yards. Basically very tedious & mind numbing. And an extremly boring read to boot. So no more about that :-) I can hear the sighs of relief.
The second reason is a bit more abstract, though I can't guarantee that its any less dull. Had jotted down quite a bit in the middle but never got down to posting it. As I'd said when I post its true, may not be so later on. Those posts have now gone past their sell-by date. Not much use posting stale stuff.

The post from another blog I've referred to earlier is basically from a guy who is contemplating whether the race is worth running any more. When all you get is pain, dejection & disappointment. The basic line of thought is, "What's the use..." or atleast that is what my interpretation is. Could be wrong, could be right. I know what he's talking about. Why should you fight the good fight. Nice guys dont finish last. They just dont finish... You get my drift.

I don't know. Not anymore. Was pretty cocksure and convinced that its how you play the game that matters, not whether you win or lose. Not so sure now. Have been forced to think, contemplate about whether the view that I had was warped, myopic & juvenile. That things dont work that way anymore... or maybe they never had. Maybe it was just a delusion, it could just be my naivete. Could be that the rose tinted glasses that I had over my eyes have suddenly been whipped off. I guess I'll give the metaphors a little rest now. I've noticed a tendency to go overboard at times :-)

I think the best line of the blog I've just read goes something like this, "The unforgiving eyes of emptiness are staring back at me." Not a direct quote, even plagiarism has its limits. Anyway, my point is that when you've held a belief for so long that you've forgotten what it was like without it, if that belief is taken away or shattered, the feeling of the unknown is what is terrifying. I think thats why mathematicians go cuckoo after one of their theories goes bust... Imagine, slaving over a theory for 20 years at a stretch & one day some kid genius comes up & says "I dont think that sigma belongs there... infact your whole probability matrix collapses!!" (Thank you Numb3rs...) Wouldn't you feel like putting a gun to a head, yours, his or both... Again, I digress.... My point was that if you're forced to contemplate a road totally contrary to your beliefs, thoughts & actions uptil now, you'd be scared witless. Especially a road that is not as "nice" as the last one. I am in any case.

Maybe this is a good time to pick up "Who moved my cheese?" or "You can win!" or even better "How to win friends & influence people." :-& [shudders]

Let me just say that at this point, the jury is still out....